How to deal with non smokers

[Del]

Did she put on a covid mask as she huffed off?

Seems like she might be the type.

And.... Welcome back!

Hi Del, glad to see you!

No mask, but judging from the general group vibes, she could also come from the other pole of the craziness spectrum It's high season for fanatics of any kind!

Yeah... That slippery slope is way behind us. The avalanche is falling already. Sane Christian people are already in the mode of rebuilding from the rubble -- while most people are just waking up to the revolution/earthquake that has already happened.

Anyhow, we need to do our part by restoring such genteel customs as sitting on a deck or patio and enjoying some drink/smoke/conversation with friends. It's so important to get out there with our pipes and save the nation!

[FredS]

On the other table, about 20 feet away, some older lady asked in a rather rude manner if I planned to smoke here. I told her that I wouldn't come anywhere near her. She said she can't have it and left immediately without even giving any chance to talk or resolve the situation otherwise.

Actually she did offer the "chance to talk about it or resolve the situation". You, in effect, told her to get lost because you were going to smoke.

This next part isn't aimed at you Ether, but at all the other responders who'd get butt hurt if someone asked them not to smoke in their presence - - -
Consider the situation and don't be a dick.

Non-smokers are so used to smoke-free environments that even a whiff can put their hackles up. I'm not suggesting you roll over and give up whatever 'right' you may have to smoke, I'm just saying you may choose to self-restrain yourself if the situation calls for it. You be the judge.

[Biff]

On the other table, about 20 feet away, some older lady asked in a rather rude manner if I planned to smoke here. I told her that I wouldn't come anywhere near her. She said she can't have it and left immediately without even giving any chance to talk or resolve the situation otherwise.

Actually she did offer the "chance to talk about it or resolve the situation". You, in effect, told her to get lost because you were going to smoke.

This next part isn't aimed at you Ether, but at all the other responders who'd get butt hurt if someone asked them not to smoke in their presence - - -
Consider the situation and don't be a dick.

Non-smokers are so used to smoke-free environments that even a whiff can put their hackles up. I'm not suggesting you roll over and give up whatever 'right' you may have to smoke, I'm just saying you may choose to self-restrain yourself if the situation calls for it. You be the judge.

This reminds me of a story about one of the civil war generals. After the war, he was on his private rail car gong somewhere (can't remember details) and a woman wandered into his carriage. He lit up a stoggie to which she took great umbrage and told him so. The gentleman said not a word and turfed the stick out the window. At some point she was informed she was in the General's private car. She was then mortified, of course, but the gentleman had made his point.

Mine: some people are civil, some are not. Civility doesn't fall along the lines of smoker / non-smoker.

[Del]

This whole situation was a lot easier when bars and restaurants offered "smoking" and "non-smoking" areas. One could adjourn to the desired section with a common understanding of what to expect.

Then the puritans banished us all outside. Then some distance away from the door. Then off the premises entirely. And they still scold us from across the street. We've learned to avoid such places entirely, but it's still hard to get it right sometimes.

We truly want to be courteous smokers, respect the space, and avoid giving offense. But some have abused our courtesy and given us no respect in return.

As a result, gentlemen smokers are forced to judge the sudden confrontation swiftly and determine whether we should react with docile compliance for the sake of chivalry, or stand up for ourselves as manly men must at times. That's just life amongst the woke-scolds.

[Ether]

On the other table, about 20 feet away, some older lady asked in a rather rude manner if I planned to smoke here. I told her that I wouldn't come anywhere near her. She said she can't have it and left immediately without even giving any chance to talk or resolve the situation otherwise.

Actually she did offer the "chance to talk about it or resolve the situation". You, in effect, told her to get lost because you were going to smoke.

No really, she requested information and when given accordlingly she left immediately. Only thing I could have done would have been to physically stop her or run after her. After the incident we moved a bench as far away as possible and sat there.

[Del]

On the other table, about 20 feet away, some older lady asked in a rather rude manner if I planned to smoke here. I told her that I wouldn't come anywhere near her. She said she can't have it and left immediately without even giving any chance to talk or resolve the situation otherwise.

Actually she did offer the "chance to talk about it or resolve the situation". You, in effect, told her to get lost because you were going to smoke.

No really, she requested information and when given accordlingly she left immediately. Only thing I could have done would have been to physically stop her or run after her. After the incident we moved a bench as far away as possible and sat there.

Some people derive pleasure being offended. It's a form of virtue signaling -- "I'm appalled by anyone who thinks or behaves other than the high standard I hold!" They live to shame strangers, and they think they are doing the world a favor.

I call them all "woke-scolds."

[FredS]

On the other table, about 20 feet away, some older lady asked in a rather rude manner if I planned to smoke here. I told her that I wouldn't come anywhere near her. She said she can't have it and left immediately without even giving any chance to talk or resolve the situation otherwise.

Actually she did offer the "chance to talk about it or resolve the situation". You, in effect, told her to get lost because you were going to smoke.

No really, she requested information and when given accordlingly she left immediately. Only thing I could have done would have been to physically stop her or run after her. After the incident we moved a bench as far away as possible and sat there.

Where are you on the spectrum? You didn't understand that her asking "in a rather rude manner if [you] planned to smoke here" was really her saying "I'd rather you not smoke here"? She wasn't requesting information, she was asking - in a manner that put the choice entirely on you - that you not smoke there. YOU had three choices:
- smoke there anyway
- move to that bench farther away during the incident instead of after
- not smoked right then, right there

You left her with only one choice should she disagree with yours.

[EDIT] - I'm not trying to be a dick. I said in my first post that you need to consider each situation individually, and judge for yourself. I sometimes smoke when I know people around me don't like it because I don't care what everybody thinks. The very fact that you chose to come here and make the post to share your story means that you've thought about it at least a little since it happened and perhaps wondered what others would do in similar circumstances. I hope sharing a house with that lady for the rest of your stay was not uncomfortable for either of you. That certainly would have been one of the split-second considerations that ran through my mind if I was put in your situation.

[Ether]

Actually she did offer the "chance to talk about it or resolve the situation". You, in effect, told her to get lost because you were going to smoke.

No really, she requested information and when given accordlingly she left immediately. Only thing I could have done would have been to physically stop her or run after her. After the incident we moved a bench as far away as possible and sat there.

Where are you on the spectrum? You didn't understand that her asking "in a rather rude manner if [you] planned to smoke here" was really her saying "I'd rather you not smoke here"? She wasn't requesting information, she was asking - in a manner that put the choice entirely on you - that you not smoke there. YOU had three choices:
- smoke there anyway
- move to that bench farther away during the incident instead of after
- not smoked right then, right there

You left her with only one.

Yeah you're right. I was too slow to interpret her appeal or whatever. Would have been an interesting talk. On the spectrum I am the personified balanced center, just as anybody else of course.

[FredS]

. . . On the spectrum I am the personified balanced middle, just as anybody else of course.

[Bloodhound]

So I think I shared this on the old site, but I will re-share here.

My back yard butts up against a greenbelt with a walkway thru the middle. It is used by lots of the neighborhood to walk dogs and bike ride and kids use it as a shortcut. My back porch is about 30 yards from the edge of the greenbelt and its another 5+ yards to the concrete walkway.

It is my habit to smoke after Penny goes to bed, so I am out on the patio around 9:30 or so a few evenings a week to smoke. A few years ago, I noticed that at about 10PM the guy across the greenbelt from me would come out and sit on his porch and it looked like he was lighting a cigar. That has continued. He isn't there every night, and I am not out there every night. I don't know his name and we don't talk, as its a good 60 to 70 Yards between us...but we smoke together/alone often

A little over a year ago, I had the chance/time to smoke in the late afternoon on the back patio. I was smoking my pipe when I heard 2 loud voices of women walking on the path thru the greenbelt. As they came to the gate that leads from my yard to the greenbelt, they both started "Fake Coughing" and hacking like they were near death...clearly fake coughs. I raised my pipe to them and nodded and said, "Well bless your hearts" They quit the fake coughing and one of them said "he clearly only cares about himself...how rude".

I agree with Fred that we should be courteous...but I was on my patio, well away from the greenbelt and the path, and it is not like I started puffing, trying to get smoke out to the path as they walked by, quite the opposite, if I hear someone coming I will wait till they are past my yard to take the next puff. But some people believe that they should set the rules for everyone's behavior...Bless their hearts...